Until you find yourself, it's impossible to lose you

I've noticed that in collge i've stayed true to me. Many people changed as soon as mom and dad left but not me. I stayed the same i changed very very little.And here we are at the end of another year and the start of a new one. I really have to admit I knew it was coming but it didn’t really hit me until last night when I took more in that one second to think about it. A whole year has gone by. Another rotation began. It’s been a whole year since I decided Murray State just wasn’t for me yet. I need hope. I need security. I need home…God. Soon I'll be 20. That’s how I see it. Gives me a kick in the butt. Makes me want to do what I want more and get rid of everything making me sour.But that’s not today. That’s tomorrow. Today is about remembering not planning. And it seems this year has more to remember than most. It’s been one pretty messed up year. To think we’re I was at this point last rotation and to think where I am now. I’m fairly reluctant to read over old letters, papers and even old posts on here I made within the last year for fear of what I might re-discover.But briefly let’s just recap this year. August ‘09 - leaving my friends, leaving a party I felt part of to go and sit on a block of cement. With no clock no radio no concept and a cold heart. Just knowing I needed something new. A new start perhaps, a new way of thinking of my life and where it was going from here. A way out of DramaVille, KY (Georgetown) and way from that high school that caused pain but yet some great memories.My summer at ended at college no more was I a baby being protected from the world by my mom, my aunt, and my granny. It ended. On to a new life. Lots of hidden words from people and lots of anger towards one. But that anger only holds a person back in the end. There were lots of conversations. Parkside with Leah and Nikki around this time, the two I hated to leave the most besides my mom.A party - where I took the cheap way out. The stupid way. I still try not to regret it though because in turn it has made me a different person. It still makes me feel vulnerable to some but it has made a difference. Running away to a old life into a new one seemed scary but really helped me understand what mom had been telling me about all my life...being with new people in the end. Putting myself under the spot light. Finding out who I was. Giving myself up to new people. Going out with new friends. Growing closer to my mom and my “sisters”. I even found it in my Heart to stop with all the hate towards my James(my dad) I can’t even bring myself to say that but when I type it I start to cry. I can’t even explain it. But it makes more sense than the hatred we always had. Learning to live with new people. Being opened to new experiences. New ideas. New lives. And even through this. More people. In the end we all realize we have problem and you need to grow to fight for what you want. you fight and then moments after you regret it. You realize you have more problems. You stand back. You wait. You go out and ignore what’s around you. Make one remark and get thrown back in. And from there you watch more movies than you ever have been to before. You find that you are more open to questions. You have actually changed through the events of the year. And you sit and cry and the person you are now. More like you than before took a risk and met people - people I did not know. I spent a day with them. Got to know them. Say another side. I took the risk and trusted a lot of people. And to my surprise a lot came through for me. I admit this year; I took a lot of time just worrying about myself. But I don’t think that all in all a bad thing. I have defiantly come out a different person to where I went in. I think I’m almost confident enough to go re-read last year.

she just stuck in Houstatlantavegas

So summer has come sooner than i thought it would. I feel like i wasn't in school but a month. But i learned alot in college. I guess after 19yr i can still learn something new that can change my life. I learned to live with someone i never knew who actually turned out to be a really good friend of mine now. I learned that As i start to get older i've notice something...I'm getting more and more like my mom :) in a good way:) i love my M.A.C Make-up my perfume and getting my nails and hair done, My coach bags and MMA Fighting. & I have her Heart♥ and I can say I'd honestly do anything for anyone at anytime :) I ♥ my mommy :)I guess you can say i'm a mini her in a way.I've also learned older people Like 50ish can love rapper just as much as young people can.

With College I've learned that I need to have and put my faith in God because he does everything.Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!I've learned that I can rep for my town any where even if it is a little one horse town(Take Yourself A Picture When I'm Standing At The Mound Man I Swear It's Going Down I'm Just Reppin For My Town.) And to tell the ones you love you love them before they are gone beacause you never know what could happen to them .I seen so many people die in my life that were friends, family, etc. I watched their loves one change for the better and some for the worste.

God I just pray when I go home nothing changes it all goes back to the same as before.So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or prince charming are at my door.I'm Just Stuck in here in what Drake calls Houstalantavegas. So in the end tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope.

Obama's Education Refrom/ No Child Left Behind

So I'm almost to the end of one chapter and the start of a new one. Freshman Year is almost over and I still can't help but want to read more and more into the Education Reform Act that Obama signed back into law at the end of March. So i started looking more and more into this bill and here is what i've come up with:

Recently President Obama signed a revised copy of what was known as the education reform act or during the age of Bush the No Child Left Behind Act or NCLB. NCLB is a federal legislation that is based on the belief that setting high standards and establishing measurable goals can improve individual outcomes in education. The Act requires states receive federal funding for schools to have assessments in basic skills to be given to all students in certain grades .The Act does not assert the national achievement standard but yet the standards are set by each individual state. The main goals of the NCLB act is to improved test scores, improvement at local standards increase accountability, get the attention of minority population and improve over all education quality. “We have let our grades slip, our schools crumble, our teacher quality fall short and other nations outpace us," Obama said. "Accountability" has become the keyword in the education reformin the United States. During the presidency of George W. Bush, it was also the guiding principle of intergovernmental relations, according to a little-noticed essay in the 2002 Economic Report of the President .

One point is there’s a lot of talk out there about accountability in education and share that concern. But it shouldn’t all be on the teachers. There should be more accountability in our schools myself. Yes, according to President Obama the most important factor when a child steps into the class room that will determine their achievement is not the color of their skin or where they come from; it's not who their parents are or how much money they have but who their teacher is. Many students step into classroom thinking about how much they hate that subject and that same few step walk out their senior year of high school still hating that subject. Hints the reason so many students fail in classes like math, English and science .Teachers do not add excitement to the classrooms and neither does the school. Many students see school as social hour because of the easy class or boredom they feel by sitting there. Where accountability starts is with the government that puts its money where into the schools, and parents and community members who instill the value of education in their students. Without this the teachers blamed for our collective failures.

Obama's Education Reform

Recently I've been doing alot of looking into the Obama Education Reform and how as a college student it would benefit me. And it amazed me to see what all he plans to do with this reform. One this is lengthen the school year. I already spend 32 out 52 weeks in school why make it another 6 or 7 weeks. I'm sorry but that is way to much time to me because if the lengthen the year that means that I will have to pay more than before towards tuition.

One thing he plans to do that is in my favor is raise the maximum Pell Grant award to $5,550 a year. This is great for students who really need it that have lost their jobs in the last year or students who can't work and go to school to.He also promised to push for a $2,500 a year tuition tax credit for students from working families. For students and families like mine these things are amazing. I come from a single parent home(single mother) where my mother was lied off the start of '09. Yes I know college student can get Finical Aid but finical aid only covers so much for a student.